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Ashesofruin's Journal



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9 entries this month
 

Untitled

05:26 Mar 24 2006
Times Read: 537


Heavenly essence tainted

Devil's smile hated

Lost and forgotten

Fallen and stepped upon

Judge me

Ill judge you

See past those lovely blues

Sea of loathing

Filled with lust

Stand once more only to fall again

Spike stabbing through my flesh

Smiling through another failure

My life just one fucked up mess

My brother denies my exsistance

Daughter to a mother and a drunk

Left alone to survive this place

The world's cruelest embrace

Saved for me in my misery

My coffin the air that I breathe

The nails the troubles I've seen

The dirt my loved ones who slowly bury me

Underneath their lies and greed

Cold and forgotten

I lie

Afraid to wake each day only to see this all again.

COMMENTS

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Laid To Rest-Lamb Of God (Added in Poetry of my own)

20:11 Mar 22 2006
Times Read: 544


If There Was A Single Day I Could Live,

A Single Breath I Could Take,

I'd Trade All The Others Away.


Numb to Living

The Blood's On The Wall,

So You Might As Well Just Admit It.

And Bleach Out The Stains,

Commit To Forgetting It.

You're Better Off Empty And Blank,

Then Left With A Single Pathetic Trace Of This.


Why feel or care when all I get in return is this dull pain inside my tattered self?

Smother Another Failure

Lay This To Rest


Hide what I don't care to remember

Console Yourself,

You're Better Alone,

Destroy Yourself,

See Who Gives A Fuck.

Keep it inside as I hurt myself to make me forget it all

Absorb Yourself,

You're Better Alone,

Destroy Yourself.

Wake each time to find it's still there Find myself drinking it all away

I'll Chain You To The Truth,

For The Truth Shall Set You Free.

I'll Turn The Screws Of Vengence,

And Bury You With Honesty.

My soul burns with the words that have been spoken, the people broken as I stand aside by my own,

I witness what I ran from, what I hid from, Another blow to the heart

I'll Make All Your Dreams Come To Life,

Then Slay Them As Quickly As They Came,

Feeling comes as I feel alive only to feel the dark calm that is me return again as fast as it went

Smother Another Failure

Lay This To Rest

Lock it all away inside

Console Yourself,

You're Better Alone,

Destroy Yourself,

See Who Gives A Fuck.

Slowly die as I continue to lie with each smile I show

Absorb Yourself,

You're Better Alone,

Destroy Yourself.


Sitting by myself I stare away thinking of freedom from this

See Who Gives A Fuck.

See Who Gives A Fuck.

See Who Gives A Fuck.

Watch as everyone I trusted and loved betray me

Failure.

Lay on the floor that I've fallen down upon

If There Was A Day I Could Live,

If There Was A Single Breath I Could Take,

I'd Trade All The Others Away,

I'd Trade All The Others Away.

True happiness

COMMENTS

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Words

19:52 Mar 22 2006
Times Read: 545


Truth comes swiftly

As you speak to me

Telling me you don't like who you see

Who I have become

What I do

I feel your words crush my world

You used to be the only one to save me

Hold me up when I began to fall

Now all I feel is the blackness you used to chase away

You aren't here to save me now

I collapse into the dark

Consuming me

Becoming once more just an empty shell

If I could I would save myself

But the hatred that brews inside is purely for me

Without a friend to turn to

I break

I shatter underneath your words

Blood gushes from my wounded soul

Lies and hurt consume me

People who claim to love me

Blaiming me for everything

I cry

Tears held in for years

The pain comes faster than ever before

My own brother leaving me to die

What happened to all those things you said

All those promises that will never be kept

I die slowly inside

My face slack of any emotion but fear

Will this night be the time I succeed

Will I at last be free

From all this shit

All this misery

Or will I stay

To remain forever the lost and never the found


COMMENTS

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Empty

17:03 Mar 22 2006
Times Read: 548


Empty I cry

In horrors I lie

Pain consuming all thats left of me

I'm dying awake

This invisible blade

Tears into blood

Hurt over years

Calling for help

Seeing the cry ignored

I fall

Onto the floor

In a pool of sorrow

I bleed

My face wet with tears

Shattered and hollow

I accept whatever people ask me to

I apologize for things I did not do

I care no longer

The hurt consumes

Leaving me empty and scarred

The tears keep coming

My mind blank of all things

As my torn heart bleeds

Too far gone to care

So close to cutting my flesh

Nothing seems real

Truth seems but a silly story

I chuckle

The laugh dark

My fist finds the wall

Feeling no pain

I punch again

A nail cuts my skin

I bleed

I stare at the cut

As it seeps

The sad truth that Im still alive

A Smack across the face

I fall

Into a heap

Of empty hope

Wishing for death


COMMENTS

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Blackened

00:28 Mar 14 2006
Times Read: 555


Everything that was said,



everyday I would dread,



dead and dying,



I crave for release,



some relief from this,



bleeding on the floor,



salt on the sore,



licking the wound,



I seep into darkness,



ebony prison,



holding the key,



you walk away,



trailing the scent,



endless hours spent,



pointless tears shed,



holding my head high,



through the pack of faceless,



I crawl my way to the surface,



gulping in the burning air,



my heart beating once more,



cold air breathes into me,



shivering lips bite into mine,



burnt to the core,



I stand uncaring,



irony comes round once more,



as you walk through my door,



whispering sweet things to my name,



running my hands along you,



my eyes venture away,



falling away from me,



I walk along your worthless form,



grabbing onto my hate,



climbing my way back down,



I hide in the blackness,



that is my being,



feeling alive I die once more,



savoring that kiss,



that seeps out the scars,



alone is how I've been,



alone is how ill stay,



love is a careless game,



I will no longer play,



one day ill break,



fall prey,



to all those things I've come to hate,



broken and shattered,



I still fall,



arms to catch me covered in claws,



bleeding I cry,



clinging to life,



hating myself,



loving everyone else,



false emotion I embrace,



to fell that trace,



life is what I thirst for,



laying on the melting floor,



pray they say,



suffering is the way,



happiness comes with pain,



who are they to claim,



God never listened before,



call me the Devil's whore,



embracing all the sins,



I seem to repeat this all again,



funny how I cant see it coming,



a train heading my way,



continuing service to Hell,



no fire or brimstone,



just me Alone,



we all die alone,



no matter who hangs on our arms,



colors mock me,



their promise of life amazing,



alive to feel it,



Darkness



Despair



Loneliness



Hopelessness,



is all I feel,



this cant be reality,



God must be teasing me,



Death seems releasing,



to all this that im feeling,



the circle of Life,



it seems to constantly repeat,



curled in the corner,



I ponder,



the use of trying,



the point of caring,



the Worthless hours of whining,



to what end to I aim?,



a life without the Pain,



the pure torture of being Alone,



a place I cannot call home,



a Silent prison in which I wait,



death seems so far away,



why do I continue to Dream,



wish of things I cannot touch?,



people I cannot have?,



things I will not be,



alone is better,



my problems stay my own,



if death should come ill mourn alone,



time enough to see myself,



find who I truly am,



in Solitude lies truth,



yet in company lies Hope,



the chance of joy,



the rumor of love,



the irony of hate,



I stand once more,



before the oncoming storm,



that is life,



pain is Nothing to me,



hope everything,



on the wind I hear my name,



friends calling to me,



I open my eyes,



embracing the day,



the hurt,



the lonliness,



the emptiness,



the joyless days,



something can change,



somehow it will get brighter,



Rain it weeps the truth I feel,



leaving behind colors of hope,



a small arch of light in a sea of darkness,



life is short,



FuCk it all,



im going to ride this bitch,



raising the bird to the sky,



I step on,



treading the angry sea that is me,



no regrets no hesitation,



biting into the peach that is life,



I will take what I want,



what I need,



what I crave,



'God' can spank me later,



when I dIe.



COMMENTS

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The Price of Falling

00:26 Mar 14 2006
Times Read: 560


Show no mercy



As you walk upon me



Call out angrily



As you hear the truth



Blood drips from the cut



Swelling wider with each word said



Exposing me to your ridicule



All of it meant nothing



Yet the wound bleeds



Suffering from a denied cause



We continue on



Blind and not feeling



The days go by



Nothing solved



The cut splits wider



Each drop of blood another sign of our stupidity



Falling each time



Standing up again



I ease the pain with drugs



Calming my soul



Binding the unknown hunger



I struggle on



My wounds forgotten



My body slowly rotting



I suppose it is the price of falling



Falling for you



My eyes close as i silently damn your exsistance



I hear the pain coming



The chill of being alone peeking its way back into me



When did we fall



When is it over



I leave this place



I leave you



To start anew



As yet another wound forms.



COMMENTS

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Destiny Decided *A dreadful love story*

00:23 Mar 14 2006
Times Read: 562




Dark and deceiving can a goddess of wisdom be





Playing with mortals who lack ability to see





Here evil plots rise to such sweet design





One may see immortals fall to such might





She creates scenarios using a rip in time





Sending such things upon you, into your mind





Ebony visions of evil and betrayal





Blood soaked fields and love turned lust





Lives beyond number has she stole





Greeding for even the heartless soul





Yet one that she took so long ago





Was a simple country maiden?





Her hair was fire upon chiseled marble





Lips so red, the devil did envy





Enchanting was her smallest smile





Men would fall before her and grovel





Only one man held the beautys heart





A perfect knight of handsome aspects





The love was ever lasting, never to tarnish





The goddess, Hera, insane with jealousy





Set upon a plan to punish the beauty for her ignorance





So here is where we shall begin





A tale of love and fragile souls











* * *





His fate stood before him





A darker form than he recalled





The glisten from this figure





Sent chill throughout his form





A goddess of wisdom spoke into his ear





Murmuring sweet remembrances of times to which he had once feared





The blood still smelt fresh





Though time had dried the tears





The voice charred the soul or what remained





The chill evaporating, bringing the scene with it so clear





A sweet perfume stifled his senses





His eyes dimming, the blade in his hand





The arm thrust forward, a silver streak in the night





The figure gasped, a pleading scream echoed as the robe shimmered to nothing





Before him stood a beauty beyond all words of men





His blade protruding from her corseted breast





The eyes released their hold rolling silently away





And so, the gentle knight watched his love fade from time.











* * *





Soon would be the day when it all would fade,





The sorrow and the tears hand consumed these days





A pain beyond reason engulfing her in time





Slowly slipping down upon her satin gown





The wind howled, as she lay unfeeling upon the welcoming ground





A soft groan escaped her pouty lips,





The petal like skin party for breath





So long had it been that she dreamed of this rest





The blood inside her crawled to a stop





The life filler her flittering to dissolve





A hand so rough shook her





Yet she did not feel





She watched her body limp in response to the sweet mans touches





The pain consumed what was once here





As the man reached out to remove his sword











* * *





The maidens gown was crimson,





That of her blood





His mind recalled its once true color of clove





He yanked upon the hilt coming swiftly





As he withdrew the gleaming sword cleansing it upon the grass, hoping to rid himself of this sinful deed





A smiling face came before him, a goddess glowing with a dark aura,





He shrank back, bringing his sword up to defend himself





Soon he felt the ground meet his paling cheek





His dying form lying beside the maidens





Their blood mingled and danced a deadly dance





He smiled, relishing in this fate





Their souls swirled together in a mate of love





Now they would be together for eternity told.



COMMENTS

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An old Song

05:07 Mar 03 2006
Times Read: 565


Lean into me softly



let me hear that voice



I fell in love with



the feeling inside me



show me that feeling



show me what's inside



show me I hurt you made you cry



a pain inside you



causes you to hide



deep inside me in the black I lie



show me youre feeling



show me inside



show me I love you make me cry



love is my hatred which I have for you



hate is this feeling that I reveal



helping conceal what I really feel



show me that feeling



show me what's inside



show me I hurt you made you cry



tell me you love me



cry like you do



show me the feeling



show me inside



show me I love you make me cry



love that I hate you



hate that you love me



love that hate as we both die inside



COMMENTS

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Desperation

05:07 Mar 03 2006
Times Read: 566


Fallen I cry



droplets of life fall disregarded by all



see me shallow residing in shadows



so I dream of such obscenities



you seem to be



must i crave for simple bloody sorrows



change me no more



befallen I see all you are



gaze at you through ghostly eyes



a soul less stare for the careless child



I see you so full of dreams



screaming I claw them from you



feeding off their meager ideals



must we be so alone to feel redeemed



must we never taste the worlds simple things



you drive us slave master



keeping us away from everything we crave



you despise our weakness



I despise your perfection



I'm no china doll for you to paint



no mistake for you to erase



you care for no one but yourself



claiming niave souls to do your will



I hate you and all that you do



I despise you through and through



COMMENTS

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